next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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