I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just gargled with NyQuil
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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