i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
