Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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