Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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