omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
