paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
