I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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