Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So many bounce houses so little time
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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