At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
