as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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