hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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