Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
