Do you still have your period?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
