just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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