seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
