I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize