i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sorry about my life...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
