I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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