marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
