i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
