alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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