And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
