i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
