you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
