How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
