Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
