Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
