I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
