You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
