I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
