Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My friends, they love my intelligence
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
