I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
