there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
