I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
