I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
