Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
