Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
