she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
