I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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