i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
