She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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