If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
