i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
