I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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