Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
