Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
