I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
