Christians are straight up FREAKS
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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