seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
