She's JV to your varsity
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
