Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
