I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
