I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
