You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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