I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
