I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't notice because vodka
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
