So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
