I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
