There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
