You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
