I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize