On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize